Four Seasons
by majorcinnamonbun
Summary: Some years pass by quickly, others take a lifetime. GerIta Human AU


_Thank you for reading my fanfic, it's my first one, so reviews would be very appreciated! ^^ Bye~ _

_..._

It's winter, Ludwig's favourite time of year. He loves the long starlit nights, the way the frost covers air nips at the face, everything. He's a stern kind of man, too serious, too adhering to rules. Blonde hair is always perfectly slicked back, pale lips drawn in a tight line, blue gaze cold and hard.

His breath mists and rises lazily into the air as he walks, much like cigarette smoke. He's never been one for smoking, and he stuffs his hands deeper into the warmth of his coat pockets. The streets are quiet at this time of day; everything is silent and undisturbed, washed in the smell of snow.

The silence is broken for one short moment by a surprised cry, and Ludwig casts curious glances around him. His gaze settles on a young man, his arms frantically reaching for a scarf that's snagged on a branch far too high for him to reach. It'd be a shame to leave him, Ludwig decides as he makes his way over. The stranger doesn't notice him until a gloved hand reaches above his head and grasps his scarf, easily pulling it from the snow covered branches. He turns around and smiles widely, his cheeks flushed from the cold, or maybe from his effort to retrieve his scarf. Perhaps a bit of both.

Ludwig can't help but stare, and his own face flushes unnaturally with embarrassment as he realises he is still holding the boy's scarf.

"H-Here," he says quickly, holding his scarf out to him and cursing himself for stuttering.

Honey coloured eyes light up for a brief moment, his smile so bright and happy it's almost blinding. Ludwig can't remember the last time anyone smiled at him like that.

"Ah! Grazie!~" His voice is lightly accented, and it sounds like music to the ears as he gratefully takes his scarf and wraps it around his neck, smile never once faltering.

Ludwig nods once, feeling entirely out of place beside the bubbly smiling man. For some reason, he doesn't want to leave just yet. "..Be careful not to lose it again," he mumbles uncomfortably, turning to leave. He's more than a little surprised when a hand grasps his arm, gentle but firm.

"Grandpa always taught me that I should thank people properly, and I would've been cold without my scarf...so, can I buy you a coffee or something, or-" He pauses when Ludwig turns to face him again, and he gingerly releases his arm.

Ludwig doesn't know what possesses him to say yes, but as soon as he does, the smiled returns brighter than before, and he finds himself being dragged down the street towards a cafe.

"It's Ludwig, by the way," he mutters.

The young man glances back at him, smile still in place. "Feliciano~"

He talks enough for both of them.

...

For once Ludwig is glad for spring to come. He welcomes in the New Year with Feliciano, and it's the happiest he can ever remember being. He's come to love small things about the Italian; how he's always smiling, the way he'll take siestas at the same time every day, and that errant curl of auburn hair that never lies flat. Ludwig finds it both annoying and intriguing, and so utterly Feliciano.

He's the closest friend that Ludwig's had in years. Ludwig has no idea how or when he came to rely on him so much, and he can't help but wonder why Feliciano is so attached to him. Their personalities are so far apart, but Ludwig can never stay mad at his laziness for long.

It's early into the season when Feliciano wants to take him somewhere. They drive for hours, and Ludwig has no idea where they're going, guided only by Feliciano's directions and unhelpful clues. His curiosity only grows as they leave the lights of the city behind, and soon there is only starlight to guide them, the city lights far behind them and already forgotten. It's only then that Feliciano tells him to stop the car.

He then proceeds to lead Ludwig to a hidden stretch of lake, completely comfortable in the dark, the path so well known to him he could probably do it blind folded. Ludwig is not so comfortable however, and he stumbles and trips more times than he cares to count. Feliciano is always there to catch him though, and reassures him with a smile that, even though he can't see, he knows is there. He doesn't know what to think when they reach the water's edge, and Feliciano guides him into a little wooden boat and pushes them out into the middle of the lake. Ludwig suddenly understands why there is no need for light.

The night sky is crystal clear, and the hundreds of stars that layer blackness reflect perfectly off of the water's surface. Fireflies dance around them, their own light leaving trails like sparklers. Ludwig feels like he's in the sky, and he actually smiles. He casts a glance at Feliciano, who of course returns his smile, and for once he can't find any words to say.

...

Ludwig hates the summer. No matter how hard he tries to prevent it, he always burns. It's uncomfortable to say the least, and he finds himself jealous of how Feliciano's skin tans into a perfect caramel hue. The heat gets to him too, and on many occasions he has found himself joining Feliciano in his siestas throughout the day.

Ever since Feliciano moved in with him, he's found it difficult to maintain his strict regime of work, eat and sleep. To begin with, he could easily be led astray from his schedule, whether it be from Feliciano's cooking, or from his insistent whining accompanied by his (damned) kicked puppy look. Over time though, he's grown immune to all of the Italian's persuading looks, and he knows that no matter how much he'll complain, Feliciano is too happy to ever sulk.

Ludwig is still unsure of how he feels about being with Feliciano. He worries about what people think of him, and no matter how much he is reassured by the Italian, his worry does not leave.

Ludwig sighs as he leaves the store, shopping bags in hand. Feliciano had practically begged him to get ice cream, and so Ludwig has braved the heat to keep him happy. He's regretting it now though, and the back of his neck already feels uncomfortably warm as he makes his way home. There is an unknown something that worries him whilst he walks. It only grows more insistent as he continues, but when he tries to understand it, it becomes elusive and unwilling to be found out.

It doesn't take long for him to get home, his face flushed from the heat and the brisk pace he had been walking at.

"Feliciano!" It's instinct now, to call for him when he arrives home. Ludwig is used to no reply, but when he doesn't receive one now, the gnawing worry he feels in his stomach only intensifies.

Ludwig tried to reassure himself, tries to tell himself that Feliciano will only be taking a siesta, but the worry stays, and as soon as he's thrown the ice cream into the freezer, he sprints upstairs. He heads straight for the bedroom, his unease growing with every step. The door is ajar, and his panic is almost at an unbearable level as he pushes is fully open and storms inside.

Feliciano is lying on the bed, and if Ludwig hadn't known his better, he'd assume he was merely sleeping. But his brow is furrowed, his lips slightly parted, and his breathing is uneven, chest rising and falling with each shallow pained breath. Feliciano barely turns his head when Ludwig enters, and his eyes, those honey eyes that Ludwig loves so much, are unfocused and glassy. Ludwig is beside him in an instant, pulling his shaking frame against himself.

"It h-hurts," Feliciano gasps, his voice weak. "L-Luddy, it hurts."

Ludwig tries to soothe him the best he can, but he's terrified, and his hands tremble as he snatches the phone from the bedside table. Holding Feliciano tightly against his chest, Ludwig realises that he can feel Feliciano's bones startlingly well. He also realises just how baggy his clothes have become, and it only fuels his panic more.

The ambulance seems to take too long to arrive.

...

Ludwig doesn't notice autumn has arrived. Too many things have happened, too many things that he doesn't want to accept, can't believe. His Feliciano is dying, and there's nothing he can do. Ludwig isn't used to feeling so helpless and it's not...it's not right, and Feliciano _knew, _he knew the whole time that this would happen, and he never said anything, and it hurts like nothing Ludwig has ever known before. Feliciano was dying when they met, he was dying on that perfect night in spring that seems like a lifetime ago now.

He's always been dying.

Feliciano tried to explain, tried to Ludwig that he only wanted him to be happy, didn't want him to always be thinking of this, because Ludwig only deserved to be happy. For once Feliciano isn't acting like a cry baby, he doesn't want his wounds kissed better, and he doesn't want to be fussed over or looked after. It hurts Ludwig more than he cares to acknowledge, because he's never been good at dealing with his feelings, and he doesn't even know how he's supposed to feel. He's angry at himself for not noticing sooner.

Ludwig's drained. He's hardly returned home, having been dividing his time between work and visiting Feliciano. He can't think straight, his head is filled with buzzing noise and there's a permanent ache within his chest. Sleep seems like such a welcome idea, but he's promised Feliciano that he would visit. Just as he's pulling on his shoes, the phone rings. The sound is too loud, and it reminds Ludwig of when his house wasn't so deathly silent, when he would come home to the sound of Feliciano making dinner. The though causes a painful twinge somewhere in his chest, and he answers the phone before more painful memories have the chance to overwhelm him.

"Where are you?"

Ludwig wants to throw the phone against the wall. It's Lovino, of all people, Feliciano's overly protective older brother. Lovino seems to hate him for reasons he cannot fathom, but despite his foul mouth and bad temper, he's so alike Feliciano that it's painful.

Ludwig sighs, rubbing absentmindedly at his temples where he can already feel a headache beginning. "I'm just on my way to the hospital. Why?"

"Don't bother." Ludwig finds himself hating how uncaring Lovino sounds. "He's been moved to a hospice, I'll give you the address."

Ludwig can't help but thinking this is it. His hand is resting hesitantly on the door handle of Feliciano's room, the metal feeling cold and distant under his too warm palm. He wants to leave, wants to delay the inevitable and deny everything. But he can't, because Feliciano's waiting for him, and he can't bring himself to abandon him, he just can't.

Ludwig forgets to breathe when he opens the door and steps in. Feliciano is surrounded by too many machines that swarm around him and make him look more vulnerable and fragile. His skin is ghostly white from spending too many weeks inside, stretched taut across his bones to the point that it's almost transparent.

Feliciano barely glances up as he makes his way over, but he manages a small smile when Ludwig takes a seat at his bedside. Everything is too white, too sterile, and it makes Feliciano look so small and breakable.

"How-" Ludwig clears his throat, forcing back the lump that's forming. He has to do this, for Feliciano at least. "H-How are you?"

Feliciano only smiles lazily, but Ludwig feels that it looks out of place with his cracked lips and pallid skin. Perhaps Ludwig could cope better if Feliciano was the one who was crying.

"'M fine," Feliciano slurs, his voice weak and so not him. "Painkillers're good."

Ludwig doesn't know how Feliciano can remain so carefree, especially when he's trying his hardest not to fall apart. It's not right, and he just can't bear to see Feliciano like this.

He only stays for an hour, yet Feliciano still manages to talk enough for both of them despite his drugged state. There's a steady ache in Ludwig's chest as he presses a light kiss to Feliciano's forehead and gets up to leave.

"Veh, Ludwig." His hand is barely closed over the door handle, but he can't bring himself to turn around. Feliciano never uses his full name, it's always 'Luddy' or just' Lud'. Always cute and endearing. But now it feels like he's saying goodbye, and Ludwig doesn't want to hear it. He finds himself powerless to stop it though.

"Promise me...promise me you won't cry when I'm gone."

Ludwig doesn't know what he replies, only focusing on getting away from him and the burning of unshed tears behind his tears.

He can swear he feels his heart breaking.

Feliciano slipped into a coma later that night. He couldn't bring himself to visit him, he's not ready to say goodbye, not yet.

Ludwig doesn't know how many days it's been. He's always thinking about Feliciano though, the ache in his chest constantly reminding him of things he doesn't want to remember. It's no surprise when his phone rings, and he wonders vaguely how many days have passed. Four? Five?

"B-Bastard! W-Where are y-you?" Lovino's voice is cracked as he spits the words, and there's occasional little hiccups breaking his speech. He's been crying, Ludwig thinks. He doesn't want this. "O-Oi! You stupi-"

Ludwig can hear a quiet exchange of words, before the phone is passed to someone else.

"Ludwig." Roma, Feliciano's grandfather whom he loved so much. He lives for his grandsons, and Ludwig can only imagine how difficult it must be for him, too. "Ludwig listen to me. You have to be here."

The room feels too small, and the phone shakes unsteadily in Ludwig's grip. "I c-can't," he chokes. "I can't say goodbye."

He walks too slowly. The silence is oppressing, and it only fills Ludwig's head with confusing, horrible thoughts. He could leave now, act like the past year never happened. It'd not be the first time he's ran away from something, but a part of him wants to see this through. No matter how much he doesn't want to, he has to...Feliciano would want him to. At least that's what Ludwig repeats to himself as he walks, to keep himself from running away like he has so many times before. But once he passes Roma and Lovino, whose eyes are red rimmed and puffy, he knows that running isn't an option. He has to do this. He doesn't realise that he's reached Feliciano's room, each step becoming more and more difficult than the last. This is really it. The door is opened and closed by a trembling hand, his breath hitches in his throat, and hot tears already threaten to cascade down his cheeks.

Feliciano merely looks like he's sleeping, looking much more peaceful than he has in the past few weeks. It's wrong though, and everything in Ludwig is screaming at him to shake Feliciano awake, and please wake up, _please. _It's not fair that he looks so relaxed, that it would be horrible to wake him.

Ludwig reaches out a tentative hand as he makes his way over to Feliciano's bedside, brushing away a few stray strands of auburn hair and bringing it to rest on his cheek. His snow white skin is mockingly warm, and if it weren't for his shallow, laboured breaths and the painfully slow beeping of the heart monitor, Ludwig could've convinced himself that Feliciano was still perfectly alive. But he can't, because even now he can hear the beeps slowing down, the seconds becoming longer and longer between one of the only signs that Feliciano is still here. Ludwig tries to calm himself, brushing his thumb tenderly over Feliciano's cheekbone.

"F-Feli," his voice doesn't sound like his own. It sounds too weak, too fragile. "I'm not ready to accept this, and I'm sorry that I can't say goodbye to you yet." Ludwig pauses, blinking back the tears that are beginning to wet his eyes. "B-But I want you to know that this past year with you has been the happiest of my entire life." Why had he not told him sooner? Why is it only now that he needs Feli more than ever? "I l-love you, Feli. I'll never stop loving you.."

Ludwig leans down, brushing his lips lightly against Feliciano's forehead in a gesture he's done so many times before. He lingers a bit longer than usual, because it's the last time he'll ever do this, and he wants to burn the feeling and warmth of Feliciano's skin into his memory.

Despite the horrible tightness and aching in his chest, Ludwig refuses to cry. He reluctantly draws away from Feliciano's form, running a hand through his hair before turning towards the door. The irregular beats of Feliciano's heart echoes his footsteps through the heart monitor as he leaves.

Roma is waiting for him outside in the hallway, looking much older than he should. He offers Ludwig a weak smile, pressing something into his palm as he brushes past him and into Feliciano's room. Ludwig stares at his hand in confusion, stares at the tiny neatly folded note sitting in the centre of his palm. He turns in over a few times, before slowly and reluctantly opening it.

Five words are scrawled across the page in Feliciano's script. Five little words that make his knees go week and set free the tears that have been building up for weeks.

'_Thank you for loving me.'_

...

Ludwig doesn't hate the winter, no matter how much he wants to. The frigid air seems to numb his heart, and he hates that he's fine with that. He still hasn't said goodbye to Feliciano, he couldn't even bring himself to attend the funeral. He knows he should have and he only hates himself more for it.

It's been a year. A whole entire year since that snowy day when he met Feliciano. It only seems like yesterday, but at the same time feels so far away. Ludwig decides to go out, feeling more in control than he has in weeks. He knows exactly where he's going, and he walks slowly, savouring the way the cold air nips at his cheeks, and how everything is so perfectly silent. Time passes in a strange way as he walks, and he can't tell how much time has passed when he arrives. His footsteps become slower, and he finds himself talking as if Feliciano were beside him.

They talk about nothing and everything, Ludwig being the one doing majority of the talking for once. The conversation only ceases when Ludwig stops in front of Feliciano's grave. He slowly kneels, disregarding the cold that seeps through his trousers, and he knows that he can finally do this. He finally feels strong enough to let go.

Ludwig leans forward until his lips brush ever so slightly against the cold marble of Feliciano's headstone, and he can't help but think how far apart it is from the warmth that Feliciano's skin used to be. It doesn't matter though, and Ludwig lingers for a moment, allowing a small, unfamiliar smile to grace his lips.

"Goodbye, Feli."


End file.
